OUR FOREVER BEN – Poetry series from my son
All our lives, Ben and I had communicated through poetry.
I began writing to him.
And on a Friday, at the pool, I wrote and here’s the exciting thing…I kept my pen in my hand and heard his voice in my head and wrote what I heard him say so clearly:
Soaring above us all
free and flying
you got your way
you ended your torturous road
you are released
you are released.
And now, you will have all of us chanting for you
as your mission continues,
right now, forever.
Write through me
laugh through me
live your happiness all around me.
My dear boy, I know you never meant to hurt me. Not ever.
Ben, maybe you’re sitting right next to me on this Friday ~
right here by the pool.
What do you have to say?
I did it.
I meant to do it.
~ at the time ~
and I knew it would make you sad,
but somehow I still had to do it.
I had to obey my mind, my legs, my feet,
my incredible surge of strength and courage.
I could not say no.
It had to happen.
And this story is not yet written, is not yet told ~
but will be.
My life, and death
Dearest Mom, my closest friend,
my absolute love,
I know you, you, you
will create a life of meaning, of love, of warmth and creativity.
Together we will live on
we will always live on
Enjoy the sun
Enjoy this day
Enjoy your life.
Magnificent! I heard hi saying every word, and wrote as he was talking.
FOREVER BEN is the collection of poems Ben has written through my hand.
POISON INTO MEDICINE– The How-to Guide to write to your loved one and have them write back to you.
I do not believe I am special. I believe life is eternal, and to be open to it is a gift we can give ourselves. ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS BE OPEN.
My grief therapist told me what I was doing with Ben could have a real impact on other people suffering from grief. And when I attended a suicide loss support group I realized something important…because I have constant communication with Ben, I am sad, but not tortured in the way that others are…wondering what would have been said in a note…tortured by thoughts that they could have done more…I got my note…a week later.
And while chanting to turn poison into medicine I came to realize that I could teach others how to write to their “deceased” eternal loved ones in a way that they could also receive letters back. It’s easy. Anyone can do it. I have taught many. I can teach MORE.